The Booze Cruise In Split That Wasn’t
Not your normal sightseeing trip this time round. Let’s just say 13 guys are heading for a 5-day booze cruise in Croatia, a drinking retreat, and there won’t be a carrot smoothie amongst us.
There Was Something Not Quite Right With The Booze Cruise Joe Had Booked
Most of the group, including the Stag, are from Glasgow. So, it made perfect sense to fly from there. I booked an 11 am flight with Flybe from Belfast to Glasgow. That was the first mistake, but it will not go down as the mistake of the week; more to come.
WHERE IS SPLIT?
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t
Never Booking With Flybe Again
I should’ve known better than to book with Flybe, their accident rate and punctuality are one of the worst, but it was a convenient time to fly. So, I thought the hell with it. Apparently, Heathrow had an IT issue which, as you’d expect, affected a lot of flights nationwide. So, it wasn’t until 3 hours after my original departure that our flight finally took off. It could’ve been worse; the couple beside me had to wait 6 hours.
Arriving in Glasgow, I didn’t have much time, and it actually worked pretty well, which doesn’t mean I’ll be giving Flybe any credit, as I had to cancel meeting a few old friends in Glasgow, and instead Jenny came to me at the airport to say hello with her new baby, Leo.
Calm Before the Storm in Split
After meeting the boys and having the obligatory 5 rounds of drinks in the departure lounge, we boarded and set off to Split, only to sit on the runway for another 45 minutes!
We arrived at our Airbnb and met Sanny, who flew in from London, who kindly let us know he had filled the fridge with drinks: there were 6 beers!! Now back to the mistake to end all mistakes. Our host arrived and asked us what we had planned. Joe, being the guy who had organised it, went through each day.
“Alreet lawd (he’s from Newcastle). Out tonight, Hvar island tomorrow, Boat party Friday, free day Saturday and home Sunday morning.”
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t; Jenny’s kid, Leo and then the flight to Split
The Mistake To End All Mistakes
In all fairness, it was a great itinerary, and the host agreed, but there was one issue. He gave us general directions to the Hvar pier and then asked Joe where the boat party left from, so he could maybe point us in the right direction to it as well. Joe handed him the paper, and we couldn’t believe what the guy said.
“Your Split booze cruise does not leave from Split; it leaves 4 hours north of here.”
That means we would have spent longer in the taxi getting there than we did in the plane getting here. The boat party was 8 hours, as it was, without having to spend another 8 hours in a taxi. We were gutted, but Joe was devastated, and we were not going to let him forget it.
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t
RELATED READ: A HANGOVER & THE 134 NEVIS BUNGEE
The next few paragraphs are a mix of what I can remember and respect of the age-old adage of what goes on tour…
THE FIRST NIGHT
The first night, as always, is spent getting acquainted with our surroundings, i.e., finding the nearest establishment that sold drinks and staying until it closed before heading to the biggest club in Split, Central, where, if I’m honest, I wasn’t keen on until we got in. Kuna was playing, and I have to say it was a great night and almost worth the £25 entry, £15 drinks, and the 6 a.m. walk home.
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t
HVAR
A one-hour catamaran ride gets you to the island of Hvar, which was most definitely the highlight. We spent all day at The Hula Hula beach bar, which is chilled during the day and then abruptly turns into a full-on beach club at sunset. It’s not as pretentious as some beach bars, but you still see plenty of $5 champagne being sprayed about. The plan was to spend just a few hours here, but after 7 hours, 100 beers, and tequilas, it was time to crawl back to the boat to continue on to the mainland.
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t
The Pub Crawl That Wasn’t Even in Split
What do you do after drinking all day, you ask? Sign up for a pub crawl which offers as many free drinks and pizza in the first 2 hours! Much like the Split booze cruise, the Split pub crawls don’t actually take place in Split. You have to take a bus to this oddly empty shopping centre where the organisers have rented a shop as a far away as possible. After consuming copious amounts of their alcohol free drinks, we headed to some of the other surrounding bars, which were neither in Spilt nor had anyone else in them.
The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t
Day 3- No Sand, No Atmosphere, and Half a Dozen Mojitos
After coming around the following morning, today turned into a bit of a disaster, but it was worse for some. Sanny and Iness headed to a beach that was recommended by a local. Well, it had to be the worst beach in Croatia, surely, and I was fuming. I wanted to just lie on the sand and have a drink, not much to ask for in Croatia.
It was a local beach with no atmosphere, generally for families, but we found a beach bar and set up for a few mojitos, which soon turned into half a dozen, and eventually we had spent so much that the lady offered us a free VIP sun lounger.
THIRD MISTAKE OF THE HOLIDAY
What followed was another mistake on our part. The waitress asked if we wanted anything else apart from these “female cocktails.” She said it, not me! Anyway, we were far too drunk to refuse a challenge, so we just asked for the 3 strongest cocktails she had. She almost refused as if to say it might be a step too far! We then asked her to hand out the cocktails based on our personalities, and after handing Sanny and me our drinks, she handed Inness his and said, “You’re gonna die,” and she wasn’t far wrong.
After really taking the piss and mixing our 3 cocktails together, we met the other boys at another bar, where Innes took a turn for the worse and headed back to the room. We wouldn’t see him until the airport the following day!
ANOTHER PUB CRAWL
So what do you do after drinking all day, you ask again? Sign up for another pub crawl that offers as many free drinks and food in the first 2 hours! It was then that we noticed the state of some of the others; they just weren’t going to last the night. Anyway, it was off to another pub crawl, this time starting in some shed on the opposite side of town, where we were given free drinks and taken to some of the worst bars in outer Split. Myself and Sanny called it a night at 1, but there were still a few partying away.
Arriving at the airport, you could see the damage, and some of the fellas were just a fraction of what they were a few days ago – time to get home!
RATINGS….
- PEOPLE – 8/10
- BACKPACKING – 8.5/10
- SAFETY – 7.5/10
- WEATHER – 8.5/10
- THINGS TO DO – 7.5/10
- VALUE – 7.5/10
SUMMED UP….
- HIGHLIGHT – Hula Hula Beach day
- LOWLIGHT – The booze cruise!
- MVP – The stag
- VISIT AGAIN – Yes
- RATING – 9/10
FINAL THOUGHTS
One thing about Split are the beaches are generally rocky rather than sandy. There are options but most within walking distance won’t make for a comfortable chill in the sun unless you get a bed. Most are a little crowded as well which is to be expected in Croatia and in a city. If you want a sandy beach near Split then head to Kasjuni. If you want to get off the mainland then head either to Hvar or if you want a golden beach then Bol on Broc island is a must. The beach here is fantastic but be aware it’ll be busy.
I don’t care what anyone says, 5 days is a long time on the drink, but I wouldn’t have changed any of it, apart from the booze cruise!
Frequently Asked Questions
What was the mistake to end all mistakes with the Split booze cruise?
Joe booked a “Split booze cruise” that didn’t actually leave from Split. The boat departed from a harbour four hours north of the city.
Are the Split pub crawls actually worth the money?
They’re a bit of a scam. They promise free pizza and drinks, but in the middle of nowhere. The “free” drinks are basically alcohol-free trash, and the bars they take you to are completely dead.
What is the beach scene actually like in Split, and where should I go instead?
Rocky, crowded, zero atmosphere and brutal to lie on without a paid bed. Head to Kasjuni near the city, or get on a boat to Hvar or Bol on Brač Island.
Is Hvar Island really worth the catamaran trip?
One hundred percent—it was the absolute highlight of our trip. We took a catamaran, and after one hour we were at The Hula Hula beach bar. It goes wild at sunset with people spraying cheap champagne. 7 hours, 100 beers, and plenty of tequilas later, we had to crawl back to the boat.
Question Time
- Have you been to Croatia?
- Where did you visit?
- Where was your favourite beach?
Let me know in the comments below . . .
