THE BOOZE CRUISE IN SPLIT THAT WASN’T

SPLIT, CROATIA

Not your normal sight-seeing trip this time round. Lets just say 13 guys are heading to Croatia for a 5 day drinking retreat and there won’t be an carrot smoothie amongst us.

THERE WAS SOMETHING NOT QUITE RIGHT WITH THE BOOZE CRUISE JOE HAD BOOKED

Most of the group including the stag are from Glasgow so it made perfect sense to fly from there so I booked an 11am flight with Flybe from Belfast to Glasgow. That was the first mistake but will not go down as the mistake of the week, more to come.

WHERE IS SPLIT?

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t

FLIGHTS

I should’ve known better than to book with Flybe, their accident rate and punctuality is one of the worst but it was a convenient time to fly so I thought the hell with it. Apparently, Heathrow had an I.T. issue which as you’d expect effected a lot of flights nationwide, so it wasn’t until 3 hours after my original departure that our flight finally took off. It could’ve been worse, the couple beside me had to wait 6 hours.

Arriving in Glasgow I didn’t have much time and it actually worked pretty well, which doesn’t mean I’ll be giving Flybe any credit as I had to cancel meeting a few old friends in Glasgow and instead Jenny came to me at the airport to say hello with her new baby, Leo.

THE START OF IT

After meeting the boys and having the obligatory 5 rounds of drinks in the departure lounge we boarded and set off to Split via sitting on the runway for another 45mins!

We arrived at our Air BnB and met Sanny who flew in from London, who kindly let us know he had filled the fridge with drink: there were 6 beers!! Now back to the mistake to end all mistakes. Our host arrived and asked us what we have planned. Joe, being the guy who had organised it went through each day.

“Alreet lawd (he’s from Newcastle). Out tonight, Hvar island tomorrow, Boat party Friday, free day Saturday and home Sunday morning.”

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t; Jenny’s kid, Leo and then the flight to Split

THE MISTAKE TO END ALL MISTAKES

In all fairness it was a great itinerary and the host agreed but there was one issue. He gave us general directions to the Hvar pier and then asked Joe where the boat party left from so he could maybe point us in the right direction to it as well. Joe handed him the paper and we couldn’t believe what the guy said.

“Your boat party doesn’t leave from Split, it leaves 4 hours north of here.”

That means we would have spent longer in the taxi getting there than we did in the plane getting here. The boat party was 8 hours as it was, without having to spend another 8 hours in a taxi. We were gutted but Joe was devastated and we were not going to let him forget it.

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t

The next few paragraphs are a mix of what I can remember and respect of the age old adage of what goes on tour…

THE FIRST NIGHT

The first night as always is spent getting acquainted with our surroundings, i.e. finding the nearest establishment that sold drink and staying until it closed before heading to the biggest club in Split, Central where if I’m honest wasn’t keen on until we got in. Kuna was playing and I have to say it was a great night and almost worth the £25 entry, £15 drinks and the 6a.m. walk home.

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t

HVAR

An hour catamaran gets you to the island of Hvar, which was most definitely the highlight. We spent all day at The Hula Hula beach bar which is chilled during the day and then abruptly turns Into a full on beach club at sunset. It’s not as pretentious as some beach bars but you still see plenty of $5 champagne being sprayed about. The plan was to spend just a few hours here but after 7hours, 100 beers and tequilas it was time to crawl back to the boat to continue on the mainland.

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t

PUB CRAWL

What do you do after drinking all day you ask? Sign up to a pub crawl which offers as much free drink and pizza in the first 2 hours! Much like the Split boat parties the Split pub crawls don’t actually take place in Split. You have to take a bus to this oddly empty shopping centre where the organisers have rented a shop as a far away as is possible. After consuming copious amounts of their alcohol free drinks we headed to some of the other surrounding bars which were neither in Spilt or had anyone else in them.

The Booze Cruise in Split that wasn’t

DAY 3

After coming around the following morning today turned into a bit of a disaster, but it was worse for some. Myself Sanny and Iness headed to a beach which was recommended by a local. Well it had to be the worst beach in Croatia surely and I was fuming. I wanted to just lie on the sand and have a drink, not much to ask for in Croatia?

It was a local beach with no atmosphere and generally for families but we found a beach bar and set up for a few mojitos which soon turned into half a dozen and eventually we had spent so much the lady offered us a free VIP sun lounger.

THIRD MISTAKE OF THE HOLIDAY

What followed was another mistake on our part. The waitress asked if we wanted anything else apart from these “female cocktails”, she said it not me! Anyway we were far too drunk to refuse a challenge so we just asked for the 3 strongest cocktails she had. She almost refused as if to say it might be a step too far! We then asked her to hand the cocktails out based on our personality and after handing myself and Sanny our drinks, she hands inness his and said “you’re gonna die” and she wasn’t far wrong.

After really taking the piss and mixing our 3 cocktails together we met the other boys at another bar where Innes took a turn for the worse and headed back to the room, we wouldn’t see him until the airport the following day!

ANOTHER PUB CRAWL

So what do you do after drinking all day you ask again? Sign up to another pub crawl which offers as much free drink and food in the first 2 hours! It was then we noticed the state of some of the others, they just weren’t going to last the night. Anyway it was off to another pub crawl, this time it started in some shed on the opposite side of town where we were given free drink and taken to some of the worst bars in outer Split. Myself and Sanny called it a night at 1 but there were still a few partying away.

Arriving at the airport it was here you could see the damage caused and some of the fellas were just a fraction of what they were a few days ago – time to get home!

FINAL THOUGHTS

One thing about Split are the beaches are generally rocky rather than sandy. There are options but most within walking distance won’t make for a comfortable chill in the sun unless you get a bed. Most are a little crowded as well which is to be expected in Croatia and in a city. If you want a sandy beach near split then head to Kasjuni. If you want to get off the mainland then head either to Hvar or if you want a golden beach then Bol on Broc island is a must. The beach here is fantastic but be aware it’ll be busy.

I don’t care what anyone says, 5 days is a long time on the drink but I wouldn’t have changed any of it, apart from the booze cruise!

NEXT UP

A fantastic day at the ashes! Click to read.

SAFE TRAVELS, DS x
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